Those of you who are on Facebook may have heard of the latest wrinkle in my experience. It is certainly a problem that could only arise in a state of abundance, for that I am grateful. For the rest, I am in progress on it all. This one has nothing to do with the medical system; a change of pace I guess? As you probably know, all of my “stuff” is in storage containers from PODS in their warehouse as we are living in a wonderful furnished rental and renovating Bay Ave.
|It was packed a bit differently than this.|
Last week I got a call from PODS. They were moving one of my PODS and the forklift operator lost control and it dropped from a height of eight feet. This is a 8’x16′ POD; that is a significant drop.
On Friday, some good friends joined Laura and me to take a first look at the contents. It was the POD that contained a bunch of good antique furniture, the book collection, and lots of stored items like my great-grandmother Amelia’s china and all of our Christmas pretties, all my framed art.
The POD door is completely off its track and my “stuff” is spilling out. It appears it fell on its side and then was righted. Things that were once upright are now on the top or bottom, turned on their sides and lots of the furniture looks like matchsticks. We haven’t unpacked a thing, because upon inspection and with the behavior of the staff at the warehouse location I stopped the process to get legal advice. This appears to be a significant financial loss, caused by negligence, which is not mine to bear. However, who is going to bear that loss is a big question that is wide open at the moment.
|cracked beams, broken supports, bowed end, skid marks|
And I am struggling. I have really worked to be less and less attached to stuff. I have given away, sold and tossed so much stuff over the past few years. Before packing all of this up, I winnowed down what was being kept quite significantly. All of my inside possessions fit into two 8′ x 16′ storage containers with room to spare (or room to tumble). My garden stuff went into a third container with plenty of extra room, because I didn’t want that in with my good indoor stuff. And thank goodness – some flying concrete planters would really have added to the damage.
|stuff tossed out of storage containers all over the back|
There are parts of me that simply wish I could let go of it all and walk away.
The faux-enlightened zen voice, “oh it is just stuff… simply let it go.”
The exhausted, victim voice, “Really, breast cancer is enough, chemo-cleanse is enough, I don’t have the strength or energy to deal with this, just make it go away.”
The sad, depressed voice, “I guess this is what I deserve somehow, and I don’t even know how to fight back or fix this, and how to I pay for what feels like a fight to get reimbursed?”
And there are strong voices that say “No, not walking away on this.”
“I am not going to let those who were negligent get the benefit here. My loss needs to be reimbursed. That is what is right, fair and reasonable.”
So, I am in a place that I have to trust that what I need to figure this out will come to me, and I will get the support I need.
It is a struggle though, because I don’t do victim, don’t want to do it for this. I have pulled myself out of falling into the victim mode through this breast cancer experience a number of times. I know that it doesn’t serve me. Yet in an adversarial situation that seems to be how my side of the equation is often cast.
How do I ask for help, without asking for being rescued?
How do I fight back, without putting way too much emphasis on loss and things and stuff and lawyers and all of that?
This isn’t the sort of thing I do, and apparently now it is.
What happened isn’t ok, and the responsibility of the loss is not mine to bear. And no matter how I process and let go of the “stuff”, it is a loss, a big loss, at a time when I continue to be offered opportunities to let go, again and again.
I know Spirit is in here. She is in every part of my life. I trust her to give me what I need and carry me through this and everything. I know she is calling me into another place of strength, as well as surrender.
and I’d love to get a peek at the guide book today.
Blessings to you all,